I knew about the pressure, and I knew I had to handle it. Leaving my mind free was my worst nightmare as thoughts of SPM results would fill it like water rushing from a dam. I knew there was no point worrying because nothing was going to change.
Well, the days leading to the big day-SPM result day-was filled with dice games going on in my mind. I tried to prepare myself as much as possible for the worst possible outcome. When thoughts of that day came into me, I constantly tried to calm myself down by saying, "No matter what the results are going to be, I'm just going to accept it with a smile (my signature smile of course)".
I tried asking my friends how they felt. Contrasting and unexpected responses filled those conversations. Some said that they were a little nervous but I could feel their heart beat setting world records. Some said they were relaxed, maybe they knew what they were going to get. For me, I was pretty much enjoying myself doing house chores and going for driving classes.
The night before the BIG day, I felt a little uncomfortable on bed. Maybe it was the pressure that I was trying to get rid. Honestly, I did pretty well with pressure management. I wasn't feeling tensed at all. Diversion of concentration helps a lot. You can try it out.
Next day, I woke up feeling like it was any other normal day. I was relaxed, calm, and went on doing my daily stuff. My parents were more tensed up to hear my results. They kept on telling me to go to school early to take my results.
My mind went blank as soon as I reached school. I saw my friends. It was like being in school again. I was feeling on top of the world. Despite everyone else fighting tornadoes in their tummies, I was laughing around with my close friends.
As I walked to the school hall where the results were to be given out, the pressure kicked in slightly. Even then, I was trying to to stay calm and not think about it. My friends were under insane pressure. I think they would have punched through a brick wall if they had the chance too.
Then, another friend arrived with a sleep-deprived face. I don't know if that was the case but he looked pretty worried too. While we were talking, he said "Today I dreamt that Kavi got 10A+". I was startled and tried to play down the situation by saying that I wasn't going to get such amazing results. The pressure was there but I was controlling it somehow.
It was finally the time to receive the results. I went in and sat at a corner. I didn't know if it was the right time for me to take the result slip from my class teacher. It was as if I was expecting the result slip to come to me and say "Hey, look at me". It sounds insane but that's how it was.
One of my longest ever classmate was the first one to actually have the guts to receive her results. She got it, took a glance at it, and smiled. I was happy for her. Then, one by one, they were trying to relieve their anxiety by taking their results and accepting their fate (or their hard work).
Then, another girl, one of my longest ever classmate as well, took her results with joy. Then she returned it to teacher saying that it was my result slip. When she returned it, I got a glimpse of my result slip. All the grades were the same. I was not thinking straight anymore. I went blank.
I jerked out the place where I was sitting down and used an unorthodox way to ask my teacher for my result slip while standing behind her. I was pretty much desperate. My teacher handed it over with such a wide smile and she allowed me to enjoy the moment.
The feeling wasn't fabulous, ecstatic, fascinating, extraodinary, amazing, insane, beautiful, exciting. It was a mixture of everything in one small spot in my heart. I ran out and shouted the "F" word in joy because I couldn't think of a much more extreme word than that to descibe my feelings.
I just smiled and smiled and smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. My lips were stretched to it's maximum length. A school photographer wanted to take my photogragh but I refused and told her to wait for me to calm down first. I walked away immediately because I knew she wouldn't have the patience to wait for me to relax as the feeling was just amazing.
It felt like I was on top of the world. I told my friends who were there about it. Some of my friends' mothers hugged and congratulated me. I was half-jumping and half-running. I just couldn't think straight. After writing my name in a piece of paper my class teacher was holding, I went out of the hall to relax myself from the intense pressure inside the hall.
Then, phone calls started flooding my phone. My parents and relatives called and congratulated me. They said that they were happy and proud of me. Their wishes were endless.
The word that I was one of the 6 students to have obtained 10A+ in the SPM examinations spread very fast in school. My other freinds in the hall were congratulating me as well. I went in again to find out about my friends' results. They did pretty well and I was also very happy for them.
As I said, the word spread fast and some of my teachers knew about my results even before I told them. The moment I stood in front of them, they shared their wonderful smiles and wishes to make me feel happy. Some of them said that they felt like hugging me bacause they were the few who had considered me like their own son.
In my point of view, the best part of obtaining the best possible result in an examination is not the joy of knowing that I'm one of the best in the school. Instead, what I cherish more is how happy others feel when they hear my results. All the smiles, happiness and satisfaction that I saw in those wonderful eyes were the things that made me feel really happy about my results.
When one of my aunts called to wish me, she said that my mother was crying when she told her my results. Tears of joy were something I've never felt before. I knew it was one of the most wonderful feelings. To know that I made that happen to my mother was the icing of the cake of achieving those wonderful results........
P.S. The blogger has discovered that one of the most amazing things about blogging is the chance to relive those great moments while putting it in words
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Post-Maid Era
It's that waking up at 5 o'clock routine again, not for school but this time to do house work. How did it end up this way? It's a long and complicated story, so I'll make it short and simple for you.
The maid who was working in my house had to go back to her home country, Indonesia. Her brother had passed away. So, she had to leave immediately. And since maids have stopped coming to Malaysia temporarily, we couldn't get a replacement and all the house chores were pretty much on our shoulders now.
Everyone at home have our own job to do-well, we have to. We divided it equally between us. Since I'm at home having pretty much nothing to do after I stopped working, I had to lend a helping hand to everyone and also do my share of chores. My main job is handling the clothes at home.
At night, my job is to collect all the dirty clothes, soak them in soap water for an hour, and chuck the clothes in the washing machine. It seems very simple but the thing is, there are a lot of clothes to hand-wash at home.
When I used to tell my friends in school that my school uniforms were always hand washed, they used to say that it was possible for me to do that as the maid used to wash the clothes. Now I have the chance to prove to them that that had to be done because of necessity. So, every day (almost), I have to hand-wash my siblings' uniform and some of my mother's clothes. I usually dry the clothes in the morning and fold them once they're dried in the evening. Sometimes, I get a little lazy and do the washing early next day.
Another job of mine is to mop the house every week. At the beginning, I tried to swap mopping with dish-washing with my sister but she refused. Now, I'm pretty glad I didn't do it because there are a lot of dishes to wash after meals. Close call.
Cooking is one of the most fun things I do at home. My mum usually cooks the main dishes in the morning before going to work. I'll have to cook rice or sometimes fry some things in the afternoon for lunch. This is where I had a lot of fun. At the beginning, I even had problems cooking rice. I would forget to switch on the cooker or forget to push the "cook" button. I've learned to cook a few different dishes now after observing and helping my mum cook. I've also tried experimenting with different cooking styles.
My father has his own chores to do. He got fed up doing them after a week. So now, he has agreed to pay me RM50 a week to do his chores-washing the cars, bathrooms, and outside the house. Finally, I'm getting some money while taking a break from studying.
To be honest, I would really want the situation to stay this way. I don't want another maid and I want to do chores at home with my family. I want to learn to be independent. I'm really hoping that my parents won't get another maid that they're looking for right now.....
The maid who was working in my house had to go back to her home country, Indonesia. Her brother had passed away. So, she had to leave immediately. And since maids have stopped coming to Malaysia temporarily, we couldn't get a replacement and all the house chores were pretty much on our shoulders now.
Everyone at home have our own job to do-well, we have to. We divided it equally between us. Since I'm at home having pretty much nothing to do after I stopped working, I had to lend a helping hand to everyone and also do my share of chores. My main job is handling the clothes at home.
At night, my job is to collect all the dirty clothes, soak them in soap water for an hour, and chuck the clothes in the washing machine. It seems very simple but the thing is, there are a lot of clothes to hand-wash at home.
When I used to tell my friends in school that my school uniforms were always hand washed, they used to say that it was possible for me to do that as the maid used to wash the clothes. Now I have the chance to prove to them that that had to be done because of necessity. So, every day (almost), I have to hand-wash my siblings' uniform and some of my mother's clothes. I usually dry the clothes in the morning and fold them once they're dried in the evening. Sometimes, I get a little lazy and do the washing early next day.
Another job of mine is to mop the house every week. At the beginning, I tried to swap mopping with dish-washing with my sister but she refused. Now, I'm pretty glad I didn't do it because there are a lot of dishes to wash after meals. Close call.
Cooking is one of the most fun things I do at home. My mum usually cooks the main dishes in the morning before going to work. I'll have to cook rice or sometimes fry some things in the afternoon for lunch. This is where I had a lot of fun. At the beginning, I even had problems cooking rice. I would forget to switch on the cooker or forget to push the "cook" button. I've learned to cook a few different dishes now after observing and helping my mum cook. I've also tried experimenting with different cooking styles.
My father has his own chores to do. He got fed up doing them after a week. So now, he has agreed to pay me RM50 a week to do his chores-washing the cars, bathrooms, and outside the house. Finally, I'm getting some money while taking a break from studying.
To be honest, I would really want the situation to stay this way. I don't want another maid and I want to do chores at home with my family. I want to learn to be independent. I'm really hoping that my parents won't get another maid that they're looking for right now.....
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Going Down Memory Lane
It was something I looked forward to every single year when I was in secondary school. It was the thing I trained hard for and I knew I was going to experience first-hand, the results of my training. The only difference this time around was that I was going for the championships not to compete, but to watch others unravel their talents.
The days leading to the District Level Athletics Championships (MSSD) had me thinking about how I was feeling a year ago. I knew how some of the top athletes would have felt the intense pressure as the day loomed nearer as expectations were high on them. And the fake smile was an effective way to conceal all the fear.
I missed the first day of MSSD as I had driving class in the morning and had to settle a few things at home (I'll talk about it in my next blog post). On the second day of the championships, I was all prepared in the morning. I donned my favourite white T-shirt with red borders. Somehow, I just felt excited to watch my favourite event that day.
I went for MSSD as a spectator to watch 2 people in particular. One of them was a girl who trained under the same coach as me. I was really hoping for her to win as I knew the sort of determination she had in training plus her unending dedication. The second one I wanted to watch was a guy who had beaten me in my 200m race last year.
As I reached the stadium, a sense of nostalgia filled my heart. Memories of the previous year filled my head. The jog before warming up, the sound of heartbeat in my head while stretching, that fake smile and laughter that I used to cloud rising tensions-everything seemed so real.
I met my ex-school teachers at the stadium first. Then, as I was walking to the main grandstand, my training friends called out to cheerfully. Honestly, I was delighted to meet them and have that small chat with ongoing translations. A few minutes later, I met my coach who was at another side of the stadium cheering on one of her athletes.
The main track event of the day-or at least for me-was the 400m. While the heats were going on, I was helping my teacher to make sure her athletes have reported themselves and are doing their warming up and striding properly. The heats weren't really the main meal of the day. The rivalry was usually present only during the semi-finals.
Oh ya....I forgot something. Before meeting up with my training friends, I met my other friends who were also ex-athletes of SMK Raja Mahadi. We became friends when I was still in my first primary school. At that time, we never thought that all of us would turn out to be athletes. Today, athletics is the reason we still see each other.
As the semi-finals approached, my coach asked to take a seat and watch the races as she gave my temporary job to another person. To be honest, the competition wasn't as intense as it was last year. The semi-finals were kinda boring. After that, it was time that girl participated in the triple jump.
It was close. All her rivals were in their top forms. One of them had already broken the championship record. That girl was getting nervous. Then, in her last jump, she knew she had jumped over 10m(which could have gotten her the gold medal) but her jump was disqualified. When she complained to my coach about the unfair disqualification, the field assistants leveled out the sand and erased her mark. It was disheartening to see her breaking down to tears. She did manage a silver medal that day.
After that, it was time to watch the 400m final for all 6 categories. There was a huge quality dip in some of the categories. In the boys under-18 category, the athlete I came to watch managed a 53-second plus time. I was actually expecting more from that athlete who had run a 11.2 100m the day before. And that concluded day 2.
I only watched the evening session of day 3 and 4 as I had driving classes in the morning. During those 2 days, the boys Under-18 1500m and 4x400m relays were the only events interesting to watch. The athlete (boy) who I came to watch managed 4 gold medals (100m, 200m, 400m, 4x400m) during the championships.
It was truly a nostalgic moment to watch others give their 101% on the track. I was there once but didn't make it big. I was pretty happy that some of the athletes really made use of their chances. I just hope the 2 athletes whom I came to watch will make it to the National Level Athletics Championships......
The days leading to the District Level Athletics Championships (MSSD) had me thinking about how I was feeling a year ago. I knew how some of the top athletes would have felt the intense pressure as the day loomed nearer as expectations were high on them. And the fake smile was an effective way to conceal all the fear.
I missed the first day of MSSD as I had driving class in the morning and had to settle a few things at home (I'll talk about it in my next blog post). On the second day of the championships, I was all prepared in the morning. I donned my favourite white T-shirt with red borders. Somehow, I just felt excited to watch my favourite event that day.
I went for MSSD as a spectator to watch 2 people in particular. One of them was a girl who trained under the same coach as me. I was really hoping for her to win as I knew the sort of determination she had in training plus her unending dedication. The second one I wanted to watch was a guy who had beaten me in my 200m race last year.
As I reached the stadium, a sense of nostalgia filled my heart. Memories of the previous year filled my head. The jog before warming up, the sound of heartbeat in my head while stretching, that fake smile and laughter that I used to cloud rising tensions-everything seemed so real.
I met my ex-school teachers at the stadium first. Then, as I was walking to the main grandstand, my training friends called out to cheerfully. Honestly, I was delighted to meet them and have that small chat with ongoing translations. A few minutes later, I met my coach who was at another side of the stadium cheering on one of her athletes.
The main track event of the day-or at least for me-was the 400m. While the heats were going on, I was helping my teacher to make sure her athletes have reported themselves and are doing their warming up and striding properly. The heats weren't really the main meal of the day. The rivalry was usually present only during the semi-finals.
Oh ya....I forgot something. Before meeting up with my training friends, I met my other friends who were also ex-athletes of SMK Raja Mahadi. We became friends when I was still in my first primary school. At that time, we never thought that all of us would turn out to be athletes. Today, athletics is the reason we still see each other.
As the semi-finals approached, my coach asked to take a seat and watch the races as she gave my temporary job to another person. To be honest, the competition wasn't as intense as it was last year. The semi-finals were kinda boring. After that, it was time that girl participated in the triple jump.
It was close. All her rivals were in their top forms. One of them had already broken the championship record. That girl was getting nervous. Then, in her last jump, she knew she had jumped over 10m(which could have gotten her the gold medal) but her jump was disqualified. When she complained to my coach about the unfair disqualification, the field assistants leveled out the sand and erased her mark. It was disheartening to see her breaking down to tears. She did manage a silver medal that day.
After that, it was time to watch the 400m final for all 6 categories. There was a huge quality dip in some of the categories. In the boys under-18 category, the athlete I came to watch managed a 53-second plus time. I was actually expecting more from that athlete who had run a 11.2 100m the day before. And that concluded day 2.
I only watched the evening session of day 3 and 4 as I had driving classes in the morning. During those 2 days, the boys Under-18 1500m and 4x400m relays were the only events interesting to watch. The athlete (boy) who I came to watch managed 4 gold medals (100m, 200m, 400m, 4x400m) during the championships.
It was truly a nostalgic moment to watch others give their 101% on the track. I was there once but didn't make it big. I was pretty happy that some of the athletes really made use of their chances. I just hope the 2 athletes whom I came to watch will make it to the National Level Athletics Championships......
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