I knew about the pressure, and I knew I had to handle it. Leaving my mind free was my worst nightmare as thoughts of SPM results would fill it like water rushing from a dam. I knew there was no point worrying because nothing was going to change.
Well, the days leading to the big day-SPM result day-was filled with dice games going on in my mind. I tried to prepare myself as much as possible for the worst possible outcome. When thoughts of that day came into me, I constantly tried to calm myself down by saying, "No matter what the results are going to be, I'm just going to accept it with a smile (my signature smile of course)".
I tried asking my friends how they felt. Contrasting and unexpected responses filled those conversations. Some said that they were a little nervous but I could feel their heart beat setting world records. Some said they were relaxed, maybe they knew what they were going to get. For me, I was pretty much enjoying myself doing house chores and going for driving classes.
The night before the BIG day, I felt a little uncomfortable on bed. Maybe it was the pressure that I was trying to get rid. Honestly, I did pretty well with pressure management. I wasn't feeling tensed at all. Diversion of concentration helps a lot. You can try it out.
Next day, I woke up feeling like it was any other normal day. I was relaxed, calm, and went on doing my daily stuff. My parents were more tensed up to hear my results. They kept on telling me to go to school early to take my results.
My mind went blank as soon as I reached school. I saw my friends. It was like being in school again. I was feeling on top of the world. Despite everyone else fighting tornadoes in their tummies, I was laughing around with my close friends.
As I walked to the school hall where the results were to be given out, the pressure kicked in slightly. Even then, I was trying to to stay calm and not think about it. My friends were under insane pressure. I think they would have punched through a brick wall if they had the chance too.
Then, another friend arrived with a sleep-deprived face. I don't know if that was the case but he looked pretty worried too. While we were talking, he said "Today I dreamt that Kavi got 10A+". I was startled and tried to play down the situation by saying that I wasn't going to get such amazing results. The pressure was there but I was controlling it somehow.
It was finally the time to receive the results. I went in and sat at a corner. I didn't know if it was the right time for me to take the result slip from my class teacher. It was as if I was expecting the result slip to come to me and say "Hey, look at me". It sounds insane but that's how it was.
One of my longest ever classmate was the first one to actually have the guts to receive her results. She got it, took a glance at it, and smiled. I was happy for her. Then, one by one, they were trying to relieve their anxiety by taking their results and accepting their fate (or their hard work).
Then, another girl, one of my longest ever classmate as well, took her results with joy. Then she returned it to teacher saying that it was my result slip. When she returned it, I got a glimpse of my result slip. All the grades were the same. I was not thinking straight anymore. I went blank.
I jerked out the place where I was sitting down and used an unorthodox way to ask my teacher for my result slip while standing behind her. I was pretty much desperate. My teacher handed it over with such a wide smile and she allowed me to enjoy the moment.
The feeling wasn't fabulous, ecstatic, fascinating, extraodinary, amazing, insane, beautiful, exciting. It was a mixture of everything in one small spot in my heart. I ran out and shouted the "F" word in joy because I couldn't think of a much more extreme word than that to descibe my feelings.
I just smiled and smiled and smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. My lips were stretched to it's maximum length. A school photographer wanted to take my photogragh but I refused and told her to wait for me to calm down first. I walked away immediately because I knew she wouldn't have the patience to wait for me to relax as the feeling was just amazing.
It felt like I was on top of the world. I told my friends who were there about it. Some of my friends' mothers hugged and congratulated me. I was half-jumping and half-running. I just couldn't think straight. After writing my name in a piece of paper my class teacher was holding, I went out of the hall to relax myself from the intense pressure inside the hall.
Then, phone calls started flooding my phone. My parents and relatives called and congratulated me. They said that they were happy and proud of me. Their wishes were endless.
The word that I was one of the 6 students to have obtained 10A+ in the SPM examinations spread very fast in school. My other freinds in the hall were congratulating me as well. I went in again to find out about my friends' results. They did pretty well and I was also very happy for them.
As I said, the word spread fast and some of my teachers knew about my results even before I told them. The moment I stood in front of them, they shared their wonderful smiles and wishes to make me feel happy. Some of them said that they felt like hugging me bacause they were the few who had considered me like their own son.
In my point of view, the best part of obtaining the best possible result in an examination is not the joy of knowing that I'm one of the best in the school. Instead, what I cherish more is how happy others feel when they hear my results. All the smiles, happiness and satisfaction that I saw in those wonderful eyes were the things that made me feel really happy about my results.
When one of my aunts called to wish me, she said that my mother was crying when she told her my results. Tears of joy were something I've never felt before. I knew it was one of the most wonderful feelings. To know that I made that happen to my mother was the icing of the cake of achieving those wonderful results........
P.S. The blogger has discovered that one of the most amazing things about blogging is the chance to relive those great moments while putting it in words
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