It all started with smiles. Never once had I thought that it would end up like this. I still remember the first time I met her and it was during Form 3. She was new to the prefect board and her senior asked her to look for me to tell her what to do if she was put in charge of the block.That was almost 3 years ago.
Our friendship grew unexpectedly. It all continued with smiles whenever me met each other. We rarely spoke but we were just friends. Then, I felt like I had a crush on her. It just happened like that. I don't know how or why. I was pretty cool with it because I knew it would go off after some time.
I don't know how but Tim found out about it. So, when he asked me, I told him that it was just a crush and it was long over. However, that wasn't the true story. I still had a crush on her that time. As time flew by, things weren't changing much.
I still remember how the coincidence of the both of us being put in the same class in Form 4 when I got separated from all my other friends made me think that fate brought us together. At that time, I was still thinking that the feelings were going to go off very soon. I still remember telling myself "It's just an attraction, not love" whenever I thought about her.
At the same time, one of my friends started a rumour about me liking her. I was totally taken by surprise because on one side it was true but on the other side, I've not told anyone except Tim. And I had already denied it when Tim asked me. I was sure Tim wouldn't have done such a thing. My friend who started it just did it out of boredom I guess.
Again, I was under the perception that fate was doing this to bring us together. She didn't like all the teasing we got. I was kinda used to it because my friends had always loved picking on me. After some time, I finally gave up denying and told myself that I was in love with her.
She was a very good friend to me. She helped me a lot in reminding me about stuff and advising me on certain things. I did advise her on certain things as well. It was going on pretty great for us as friends.
The most significant role that she has played in my life so far is that she was the reason I shaped so many principles in my life. I can't explain what they are because they are very personal to me. You can call them the principles of my life. She taught me a few -maybe a lot- of good values in life.She also made me realise the mistakes I was doing.
Over time, I was pretty much into her. When I asked her, she said its better if we be best friends. I respected and still do respect her decision. I was, let's say, heartbroken. I was kinda lost. That night, I couldn't sleep well. It took me an hour to finally give up thinking and let my tiredness take over.
Today morning, I woke up with one question in my mind-What's next? For a moment, I couldn't think of anything. I lied down thinking of how will my life be after this. First thing, I'm going to go for outings with my friends. Then, I need to see a doctor to check out on my injury which has been nagging me for about a year. I'm not sure if I'm going to need a surgery.
If my injury heals fast, I'm going to get back into full swing training. I've also decided to look for options to leave the country for some time,maybe through a student exchange programme. I have to find out info and tell my parents- and that will only happen if I really really can't continue training for some time.
Today, when I look back at everything that has happened, I realised that I've misinterpreted many things. I regret doing so because it has brought me into such a state that I find it very hard to move on. It's because I'm the loyal kind of guy who would never change his love like changing clothes.
My advice to you, be careful on how you interpret something in life, especially in relationships. I'm still learning from my mistake. It'll take time for my feelings to go away. And it'll be really difficult for me to fall for another girl because I don't know when to believe and trust and when to not.
And to that special person, I have to thank her a lot for everything that she has done for me. I really appreciated it. I'll still treat her like my good friend (as I've always done) but I'll have to stop asking her for advice and inspiration because that would just bring back memories of my past. Now, I'll just have to find back the meaning of my life.....................
P.S. To my friends who are reading this, I hope you will just keep any comments to yourself and not discuss this with others. I wrote this post to store my memories and to advise others not to take the wrong path like me
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